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DANA Services
(Domestic Abuse is NOT Acceptable)
Relationships Self-Test
Being in a healthy relationship can give you friendship, companionship, support, physical closeness, and love. Thinking about what you want in a partner and how a relationship will fit into your life can help you make rational decisions and understand the skills you need for a strong relationship. Think about
1. What do I want? 2. Who do I want? 3. What are my strengths?
This self-test will help you think about these questions.
WHAT DO I WANT?
Here are some questions to help you think about what you value in a relationship.
Rate these statements on a 1 to 3 scale.
1 Unimportant
2 Somewhat Important
3 Very important
___I want my partner to have most of the interests I do.
___I want to be able to talk things over with my partner.
___I want to feel a strong physical attraction to my partner.
___I want total honesty in a relationship.
___I want a monogamous relationship.
___I want to agree on most things and not argue.
___I want a relationship where both my partner and I are independent.
Circle the traits to which you gave a 3. Of these, which are most important to you?
Use your answers to help start and keep your relationship on track.
WHO DO I WANT?
Knowing what you're looking for in a partner can help you recognize a possible partner when you meet him or her!
Rate these statements on a 1 to 3 scale.
1 Unimportant
2 Somewhat Important
3 Very important
I want someone who:
___ is physically attractive to me
___leads a healthy lifestyle
___has the same religion
___enjoys outdoor activities
___enjoys sports
___enjoys reading, lectures, theater, music, etc
___likes to go out (parties, dancing, movies, etc)
___likes quiet evenings at home
___has a sense of humor
___has a positive attitude about life
___is romantic
___ is affectionate and loving
___can talk about feelings and needs
___knows how to listen
___supports me when troubles come up
___wants to be monogamous
___ shares my attitudes about drugs, alcohol, and smoking
___can be angry without being hurtful
___ shares my thoughts about physical closeness
___ Other traits:______________________
Circle the traits to which you gave a 3. Of these which 5 are most important to you?
If your current or future partner doesn't have your top 5 traits, are you willing to overlook the differences?
WHAT ARE MY STRENGTHS?
It's important to know what you want in a partner. It's also important to know what you bring to a relationship.
Use the 1 to 3 scale to help you look at your own traits:
Rate these statements on a 1 to 3 scale.
1 Rarely
2 Sometimes
3 Usually
___ I feel comfortable and secure with myself.
___ I take good care of myself physically.
___ I have a sense of humor.
___ I am affectionate.
___ I am able to talk about my feelings and needs.
___ I am able to listen to my partner without interrupting or judging.
___ I am able to put myself in my partner's shoes and understand how he or she is feeling.
___ I am able to express my anger without hurting my partner.
___ I am able to control what I say and do when I'm angry.
___ I do not always have to win an argument.
___ I know how to compromise.
___ I'm comfortable with physical closeness.
___ Other traits I like about myself:_________________________
Look back over your answers. Which statements have a 2 or 3? These relationship skills are your strong points.
Which questions did you give a 1 to? These are the areas you need to work on.
CAN IT WORK?
Healthy relationships take thought and hard work by BOTH partners.
Couples need to be able to:
COMMUNICATE thoughts, feelings, and needs to each other.
LISTEN carefully and respect each other.
RESOLVE CONFLICTS peacefully, without hurting each other
COMPROMISE when needs are different.
Understanding what you want and what your strengths are is the first step toward a healthy relationship.
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Relationship Test